What are some things parents say about the non-custodial parent?
The answer to this question really does depend on the type of relationship the exes have with each other.
- Positive statements: I rarely see these when working in divorce/custody cases. They should happen but are rare.
- Neutral statements: These comments simply acknowledge the non-custodial parent's presence or role, without injecting positive or negative statements. "Your dad/mom will pick you up on Friday." "You got your sense of humor from your father/mother." "You'll be spending the holidays with your mom/dad this year."
- Negative statements: Unfortunately, in cases where there's animosity, parents make negative comments about the non-custodial parent. It's generally considered unhealthy and harmful to the child's emotional wellbeing to express these negative feelings, especially to the child. Such as: "Your father/mother is always late." "Your mom/dad doesn't care about your feelings." "If your father/mother was responsible, things wouldn't be this way." etc.
Ideally, regardless of the personal feelings or relationship status between parents, the focus should remain on the child's best interest. This includes fostering a healthy relationship with both parents whenever possible, refraining from disparaging remarks, and encouraging open and respectful communication.
The question you should be asking is: what should they say?
Here is what they should be doing when they talk about the non-custodial parent:
- Acknowledge their importance: It's crucial for children to understand that both of their parents play a significant role in their lives, regardless of the living situation. "Your dad/mom loves you very much." "Your mother/father misses you when you're not there."
- Emphasize positive qualities: If possible, highlight the good qualities or skills of the other parent. "You get your love of reading from your mom/dad." "Your father/mother is really good at cooking/art/sports."
- Keep communication about arrangements clear and neutral: Avoid expressing negative emotions when discussing logistical arrangements like pick-up times or holiday plans. "Your dad/mom will pick you up on Friday." "You'll be spending the summer holiday with your mom/dad this year."
- Maintain respect: Even if there are personal issues, it's important to uphold a certain level of respect when talking about the other parent. "Even though we don't always agree, I respect your mom/dad." "Your father/mother and I have different opinions, but we both want what's best for you."
- Be honest but considerate: Children will have questions, and while it's important to be honest, responses should be age-appropriate and considerate of the child's feelings. "Your mom/dad and I had some disagreements that we couldn't resolve, but we both care about you very much." "Your father/mother and I are better at being your parents when we're not living together."
I know that it’s not easy to do this — especially when feelings are hurt and it’s still raw; however, hopefully people can grow to become better and do better.
I hope this answer has been helpful. If you need help from a lawyer in Utah, try this one:
17 North State Street
Lindon Utah 84042
(801) 613-1472
Comments
Post a Comment